Who am I?
by Obsessed-with-Vampires
Summary: Bella is trying to figure out how she fits into life – should she be who she wants to be or what everyone else expects her to be. Who will be there to help her figure it out? COMPLETE! All human


**A/N: Hey people, this is just something I wrote today for my practice QCS (look it up if you don't know what it is****) writing task – let me know what you think (I'm changing it since I really didn't like the theme of essence). The theme was essence (which was really stupid) and I wrote a diary entry so now I'm rewriting it from Bella's POV.**

**Summary:**_ Bella is trying to figure out how she fits into life – should she be who she wants to be or what everyone else expects her to be. Who will be there to help her figure it out? COMPLETE!_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing unfortunately...

November 7st 2009 – Who am I?

Dear Diary,

God this is lame, but what else am I meant to write? Hey me, nice to talk to you again. Oh yea that doesn't make me sound like a nut (crazy) at all. Anyways today let's see what happened today in the little town of Forks...

Well in graphics we had to find a quote and then design a poster for it. I was searching on the internet for a good 20 minutes before I came across a good one.

"_Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from."_

Unlike all the other lovey-dovey stuff this one actually had some meaning behind it. But what I don't understand is how everyone expects us to be anything but 'normal' when it is around every corner, behind every window and in everyone's mind. If you did anything that 'went against the grain' you would be condemned, by your classmates (if you can call them mates) and the very people you live with. You'll more likely than not, be followed by a crowd of shaking heads, waiting for you to fail. So then why do parents, teachers or any adult for that matter, always say – be yourself, no one is better than you... and all that other bull... Every time you try something different, there will always be someone watching you, ready to judge you – wanting you to be just like them.

Renee has always said that life would be incredibly boring if everyone was the same. Everyone can _try_ and express who they truly are, be themselves, and be different but who is really brave enough to take on the whispers as you walk down the hallways, face the writing on the toilet doors at school and the rumours that spread like wild fire?

To be different and challenge the way others think is what it means to be you. No one person is the same – so if you challenge their thinking you aren't following them, you are simply being you. Every human being has this chance, to be great and do great things; it's whether or not we take the opportunities that allow us to reach our full potential. (Jeez I sound like a shrink or one of those feel good docs who are all about individuality and 'think positive')

Dare to be brave, to be YOU and not follow the crowd. That sounds so easy when really it is possibly one of the hardest things in life to do... Think outside the box, and challenge the logic behind every idea and decision – it's this randomness and uniqueness that makes people notice you. So why not just let others decide for you? Or hide in the corner unnoticed by everyone? Is that really so bad, to not want to be noticed?

If only there was a subject that taught you how to reach that potential and be who we want to be, life would be so much easier. Maybe they should teach it at school and how not to judge. Which is a lesson well needed for girls like Lauren and Jessica at Forks High school. Although the later would be harder as it is human nature to judge anyone who is different – even ourselves.

Every Saturday before work at the Newton's I go to the diner and get some coffee. It really is the best in town. Besides if I don't I'm likely to fall asleep at work... But you see all sorts of people come in and line up. I've seen people with electric blue hair, some with hot pink high-lights, others wearing lime green tights with their old brown ugg boots. But there was this one boy from my grade – and he is there every Saturday when I get there – but I only just noticed today that he actually had a lot of tattoos covering his arms and I'm sure there were some on his back.

Edward was quiet, he didn't talk much nor does he have many friends. He sat with his family who are considered popular but never is he thought of that way just because he might be a little different. And you wanna know what I did? I went and sat next to him and we both said a polite hello but nothing more. Not until I noticed what one of his tattoo's said 'trust'.

So I asked him about it. Apparently his tattoo's usually scare people off but I'm different – they fascinate me. He had others like 'Faith', 'Love', 'Strength' and 'Hope'; he also had a rose on his left shoulder blade which represented a little girl he knew who lost the same battle he is currently fighting – the fight against leukaemia. I'd never known that Edward had leukaemia, I just didn't know... He wouldn't tell me about the barb wire or the blades/knives though – the reasons for them weren't for my innocent ears to hear. After that day two months ago, we have been best friends (although I like him more than that he doesn't want me to get hurt).

In a way Edward inspired me to be different and not care about what others might think about me. He gave me hope that every battle is worth fighting for and to never give up – no matter what. But this Saturday, the first Saturday of November, he wasn't there. He lost his battle. But I made a promise to myself, as I drank my coffee the same as he had his – black and one sugar, that I will keep fighting it for him. Even though I cried for hours and my eyes are still blood-shoot and I hurt from the loss of a love I'll never know, and I'll never see Edward again... I will help those sick kids, teenagers (if they'll let me) and even adults, one day I'll give them the same hope Edward gave me. The hope that every person is worth knowing, that everything is worth doing at least once. That everyone has the right to be who they want.

'Don't be afraid of what they think, just think of you and me,' – Edward Cullen

Love always,

Bella Swan


End file.
